I feel like I am going to explode. Work is crazy. A few friends are asking me to move to Montreal this spring; many more are hinting that I should not. My school start date is still not confirmed. I have to keep doing my job and waiting until that magic day they tell me I can go. I feel like I am holding my breath.
And tomorrow, he leaves.
Tonight I am going to seeing leaving-guy, one last time before he moves away. We have seen each other every day this week, casually, as though nothing weird is going on. I come over, we joke around, and I fix the holes in his walls.
He is supposed to visit next weekend, it is his best friend’s birthday. He may visit the following weekend, for a party I am having, but I am not sure. I am not sure of anything.
What does this person want from me? And what do I want from him, really? Do I only want him because I cannot have him? Would he be just as interesting if he were not leaving? My birthday is Sunday, perhaps that is imparing my judgement? My job/school situation is stressing me out, this could be influencing me as well?.
There is one thing I know for sure: After this weekend of ‘good-bye’ and birthday-related activities is over, I have nothing to do with myself. I am taking classes, playing sports, things like that, but I will not have someone to occupy my time anymore. I will be walking through my life alone, again.
And you thought this blog would be funny. Ha-ha… Sigh.
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