Four Detroit public high schools are embarking on a bold new plan to instill the drive for success in their students by guaranteeing them glitter, Riches and SECURITY in return for hard work and superachievery study habits!
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nooooo.
But they can help you get a job at Wal-Mart.
A new partnership between the daytime youth warehouses and the megagiant retail competition-crusher gives students future Made in China peddlers 10 shiny credits toward graduation, 11 superfun weeks of job-readiness training during the schoolday and *PAYDIRT* an after-school entry-level job at the store.
::: Cha … klink … 
:::
The Detroit Free Press talked to the principal of one of the schools who sounded positively giddy at the idea of trading his students’ future for finite financial gain.
“The program will allow students an opportunity to earn money and to be exposed to people from different cultures — since all of the stores are in the suburbs.”
Oh yes.
Because we all know how enlightening, elegant and all-around educational the People of Wal-Mart really are! —>
Not so giddy about the plan was Donna Stern, the Midwest coordinator for the Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action, Integration & Immigrant Rights And Fight for Equality By Any Means Necessary (BAMN).
“They’re going to train students to be subservient workers,” she said. “This is not why parents send them to school.”
Now, it’s true that Detroit has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, so helping anyone get a job there is a true mitzvah.
And it’s also true that the school system has been run into the ground 
harder than ValuJet Flight 592, with frightful financials leading to layoffs and the closing of nearly 30 schools … and there’s about a hundredmilliongozillion percentage points of absolute certainty that there’s more where that came from.
So, you can close schools and you can layoff teachers but those pesky kids are gonna keep on comin’ – which begs the question: What DO you do with them?
Well? What?
Wait …You think I have a plan?!
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nooooo.
It’s Detroit!
They’re all fucked as far as I can see!
All I know is that if I’m one of those students, I’m taking ‘How to be a Wal-Mart Greeter 101′ and gettin’ my sweet ass an easy A!
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