it's just how it works sometimes

Before you start thinking that I am a horrible person or something like that, I will admit that I have some difficult talking with people. It’s not that I can’t talk or I sound funny. Nor do I have a problems talking forming ideas. Everything works fine. But to go up to people and talk with them is scary.

I know. Some of you are probably thinking that I am very weird. But that’s how I am.  I hate it when I might have to sit at a table with other people just because the whole situation of how do I talk to them and what do I talk about and all of that. And am I allowed to enter into that conversation? And then, what if I’m bothering them? I do not want to either annoy or bother people in the least.

And I’m thinking about basically becoming a telemarketer. Crazy. I know. But hey, it pays $7.75 a hour plus snacks.

As it is, I’ve pretty much hardly talked to anyone. I mean, I’ve said a few random things here and there but not a lot. Not enough that it is even worth mentioning.

Well, today was the photo shoot. That was very lame in a way. All we did was be a background person and walk up and down and up and down the sidewalk while some other people sat on the grass and talked and some other people played ball. Then the sun was hot and I think my cheek is sunburned now and there was no wind and my backpack was heavy. Though I did get candy. That’s always good.

For some reason, the person partly in charge of this was late in showing up. As such, we sat in the library and talked for a while. My brother, Reuben, was also there (He goes to school with me kinda.) and we began talking with one of the girls from his math class. Well, correction. He began talking with the person and I just joined in because I was in a weird mood giving complements to everyone today.  As such, I talked to her too.

Then, Reuben had to leave as he was on the grass and we were paired up. I don’t remember everything we talked about but we were together for a good fifty minutes and we talked pretty much all of that. I made some comment that she could go to my house and told her the directions. (I live a 1/4 mile from campus. Takes me about two minutes to get to school, if the light cooperates. If it doesn’t, it can take as long as seven.)

Well, when I went back to school to read, (I had a lot of reading this week between a two hour class today, clinical tomorrow and class that afternoon.) I met her along the street actually going towards my house.

So, who knows what will happen. But I honestly would like a friend. Pretty much one of my only friends went to college and, though we were a long distance relationship, we aren’t talking as much at all. And I don’t think that has just to do with the fact that we wrote stories all the time together and now we don’t. But I pretty much lost one of my only friends.

Though I’ve never had friends since I was twelve, I would like someone I could call and say something like, “Hey, you want to go to such-and-such together?” Because I’m a lot braver with a friend.

And I’d like someone to bounce off story ideas with. I really need someone like that, just because I have so many and I don’t know if some are good or not.

I’m not going to hope too much. I guess I’ve had too many disappointments.  (Things like going to camp, promise to write, nothing.) But hey, maybe something will. And anyway, we always want to invite people over for thanksgiving.