I’ve done some evaluating in the past week on the men I have dated. I have also spent the other part of my week fighting with Dustin. The two go hand and hand. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he can’t use his words. I know- he is a guy, they do that. This is different though. This is our MARRIAGE. I think it deserves a few words to each other. A few conversations. Anything to acknowledge that 3 years ago this coming week it happened. He says he doesn’t know what my deal is with talking….I say he needs to learn how to use his words and get it out. It is like yelling at Bear when she is pointing and making noises with strange body wiggles and her eyes falling out…Yes, I see the crazy person but USE YOUR WORDS FOR GODS SAKE! we aren’t playing charades!
So I looked back over my relationships. Every single guy I have been with never wanted to talk about the obvious, the relationship, where we were going, what was wrong or right. Which was usually fine with me because I never wanted to talk about it or perhaps I didn’t know how to either. Which is why things would eventually dissolve between me and said boyfriend. There has to be some of that communication in the relationship. You have to check in every now and then.
Which I never had, until Bill. (You knew that was coming.)
Bill made me talk it out. Everything. He would patiently sit there after he asked me what was wrong even though he usually already knew, because he was like that. I would have to actually answer him. An answer such as fine or nothing was not an option. Even after I would say what was wrong it was then followed up with how do I feel about that and how do we fix the situation. It was done with 100% attention. It was a team effort and he never lacked in that department.
I remember before we were together I was stressing about a huge decision at work. The kind that kept me up all weekend with no sleep. I remember trying to talk it out with Dustin and it got me no where. Perhaps more frustrated because I felt even more alone in the decision. I told myself that Sunday night to just sleep and talk it out with Bill, he would make it all better. Sure enough, first thing on Monday morning he made it all better. I went into his office, closed the door, let my tears go and voiced my problem. He walked me through it step by step, concern by concern and then I felt better. To top it off, he followed up with me on the problem. You know, just in case we needed to reevaluate the problem.
Perhaps it is because that is one of those great things that Bill taught me. I know I want that in all of my relationships and for that matter I have to have it. I must have it NOW even. I don’t need a daily what are you feeling moment but I do need a check in. An acknowledgement. Even though we have said we are done I just need him to not walk around pretending nothing is going on because it makes it worse. When he does manage to throw out a few words I learn so much. Perhaps it could have helped us prior. Saved some hurt feelings. In the mean time I just feel like I want to shake him until it all falls out.
To make matters worse my Mom has joined the ranks. Ok, she hasn’t wanted to talk about Bill and I at all but she REALLY doesn’t want to talk about the divorce. I brought up the fact to her that this week was horrrible and full of tears. Her response? 10 seconds of silence followed by Your sister went to Wisconsin for a wedding this weekend…blah blah blah. Way to ignore that one. She still has yet to acknowledge the end of her daughters marriage. I get it is hard but at some point we all have to face the music. I just appear to be the only one facing the music or even hearing it or even in the same freakin building.
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